October 12, 2006

• 
  A Cynic's Path to Recovery

  Why am I naturally drawn to correction and cynicism? 
  Is it because I'm self righteous or perhaps self indulgent in my own
  perspective?

  A friend wrote:

  
  
  You think that with your many wise words you will bring me peace, but
  instead you belittle me.  Any peace that I might have drawn from my Savior,
  you interrupt.  I finally feel triumphant, confident, acceptable, free, and
  you still go on correcting me.  You twist and tangle my words.  You have so
  many ideas but no idea.  Stop.  Just stop once and listen.
  <<click the text to see the whole post>>

  Although she's not speaking of me
  directly, I can not help feeling that G-d's using her to speak to indirectly. 
  Often I catch myself being ridiculously anal about the way things are
  communicated and I'm not always sure why.  I usually chalk it up to the fact
  that clarity is key in communicating the gospel.  But it's just not true in this case. I'm
  learning that actions, tone, and timing speak louder than an well thought out
  theological statement, and what I'm learning about myself is that I've become a
  cynic to other's experience of life.  I have been a spectator in my own life, so I view other's lives an think I having all
  the answers to their problems.  So my cynicism actually stems from fear, that masked with
  pride.  The fact is that to live a life relaying on Jesus (Yeshua) is not easy
  and it takes courage.  So who am I to take away the courage the G-d has given to
  his people.  I know their is a time for correction, but may I journey with them
  as a friend, a brother, a husband, a son and some day a father.  Setting them
  free from baggage they might be carrying.

  The answer to my question,
  why am I naturally drawn to correction and cynicism?, is fear.  I'm often not
  courageous enough to step into the vastness and complexity of G-d's will (or
  pleasure in Greek) for my life, so I am skeptical and cynical of their life. 
  Those of you who find peace (Shalom) and fufilment in
  G-d, hold on to it.  People are really afraid that they are missing out on the
  what you have found.  They are in awe of it and that is why they are cynics.

  I’ve been listening to Mars Hill Bible
  Church’s live worship album; their worship leader addresses the issue of
  cynicism well.  He talks about the only way to really get over being a cynic is
  to be aware of G-d’s infinite wonder and focus on the upward praise of God
  instead of the downward condition of the heart.  Or at least that’s what I got
  out of it.  He mention a book that has helped him, Orthodoxy, which I read last
  year.  He quoted one of my favorite
  paragraphs in the book speaking of G-d beautiful spirit.

  “The thing I mean can be seen, for
  instance, in children, when they find some game that they specially enjoy. 
  A child kicks his legs rhythmically through excess, not absence, of life.  Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce
  and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged.  They always
  say, “Do it again”; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly
  dead.  For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony.  But
  perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony.  It is possible that God
  says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it
  again” to the moon.  It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daises
  alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got
  tired of making them.  It may be that He has the eternal appetite of
  infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than
  we.” - Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton.

  The
  last sentence often plays and plays in my head throughout the day.  That G-d is
  younger then I in spirit and I am in awe of that.  In awe of him!  I want to
  apologize for those who I’ve been cynical to; churches, ministries, family,
  friends, and to my wife.  I’m a cynic who is on the path to recovery.  May G-d’s
  kindness and love shine upon you and may you be in awe of him.

  • 3:05 pm
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